Sugar by Olivia Phillips

When I was young I dreamt of sugar
And smiles
In a field of violently blooming roses
Near the river
Where we mocked damnation

And we closed our eyes to the sun
But still felt its warmth (it was a lovely warmth)

You didn’t say it but I knew you meant it,
And that was enough
To know something, to really be sure of it
For once in your life
To feel it everywhere, hot and cold at the same time,
That was all I wanted,
all I fucking wanted,
And you were there.

But I did not realize the impermanence
of all things, of how quickly
and drastically
you could wash me from your skin


Last night I dreamt of metal
This morning I took my coffee black
The river runs harsher and

In my dreams,
The field is a giant thorn
A crooked clock
Your eyes are cold Your hands are rough
Because then I won’t be disappointed
In reality

And I won’t feel the need
To dream of sugar,
Because we ran out
To mock damnation,
Because I fear it now
To have you by my side,
Because you won’t be.