As I Lie Here by Kristian Nammack

As I lie here in the field with my tortoise framed Ray-Bans blocking the reality of life.
The easy fall wind dancing through my hair tells me
Is nothing so perfect as this moment.

Pure awe as I stare into the underwater abyss
This is the unknown
this is your life and it’s ending every second of every day which swiftly passes.
A black splurge of mystery.
This sweet beauty will not last.
Nothing ever does.

As I lie here in the frigid winter snow the harsh air tells me
Are you just cracked, or shattered bits of glass?
Trying to keep my face together like a puzzle missing pieces.
Falling, piece by piece, sagging day by day.
I am the shattering the decrepit and decayed.
Useless rusty fragments of a former self.
I try desperately to cling on to whatever piece of spontaneous persona I have left.

As I lie here,
dreaming of the day I charge into that blazing sunset
and take on this world completely alone.
No longer locked in a wooden chest, no longer slipping on complex stairs to nowhere.
I know where I am and I’ve rightfully earned my place.
Plant my left foot down, then rear the right around.
One after another.
Step by step.
This long journey begins with one.
Bittersweet tears shower down my rosy cheeks.
Well you did it, you got everything you wanted, now what?

As I lie here in my bed I tell myself
It’s alway darkest before the dawn.
That melancholy feeling rips deep through my face this time.
Guilt holes shred to make caverns of open dialogue with my conscious.
Self-Reproach, self-condemnation, ashamed.
A contrite look and anxiety stricken yelp whenever there near.
The irredeemable deal you make with a mistake so bad.
A lottery lost, the gamble I made finally stopped paying off.

As I lie here in the sand looking through my tortoise framed Ray-Bans
at the Miami sky I am truly happy.
Sunny air on skin, ocean breeze blows away all sorrow.
Dry tears from a numb heart.
We all warm up eventually.
Everything burns.
There is woe and dejection.
Pleasure and Euphoria
The crash and burn and the ultimate up-liftment.
This life the next life and all those billions of memories in between.

As I lie here awaiting impact.
The only thoughts I have are for the exceptional memories I had on this planet.
With them, with myself, and most importantly with her.
I suppose one can only hope someone will miss me when I haven’t a trace left.
I can see for miles and miles and miles now.
Down the road to nowhere.
The road now whispers,

Where shall we go next?
A hand with five fingers made up of millions of connections.
This is it, and it’s ending slowly every day so make the most out of it.
For the time being I can see just a few inches in front of me.
However, I will always be surrounded by the thick fog.