When I was young I dreamt of sugar
And smiles
In a field of violently blooming roses
Near the river
Where we mocked damnation
And we closed our eyes to the sun
But still felt its warmth (it was a lovely warmth)
You didn’t say it but I knew you meant it,
And that was enough
To know something, to really be sure of it
For once in your life
To feel it everywhere, hot and cold at the same time,
That was all I wanted,
all I fucking wanted,
And you were there.
But I did not realize the impermanence
of all things, of how quickly
and drastically
you could wash me from your skin
Last night I dreamt of metal
This morning I took my coffee black
The river runs harsher and
In my dreams,
The field is a giant thorn
A crooked clock
Your eyes are cold Your hands are rough
Because then I won’t be disappointed
In reality
And I won’t feel the need
To dream of sugar,
Because we ran out
To mock damnation,
Because I fear it now
To have you by my side,
Because you won’t be.
Friday, February 17, 2012
Falling Horizontal by Rose Gill
Odelia was staring out the window, wanting nothing more than to get out of the car. It was all just so tedious; the car, the drive, life, everything.
“Shit, I hate getting stuck behind big trucks,” said Ria. Odelia glanced over at her scowling sister, before going back to looking out the window. Nothing particularly interesting. Maybe an accident would happen, spice up her life a bit. “What’s with those rods, anyways?”
Looking at the truck in front of them, Odelia couldn’t help but feel like something was going to happen. Big trucks always made her feel like that, no matter what they were carrying. They always looked about ready to tip over. As Odelia stared at the truck, she calmly noted to herself that a few of those rods looked about ready to slide off. Why was everything so precarious with big trucks?
“Ria, don’t you think you’re driving a little close to the truck?”
“Whatever Odelia. Maybe he’ll notice and speed up a bit.” There was just no helping it with Ria, Odelia supposed. She went back to watching the truck, in time to see two rods slide off the back, followed by several more. Ria swerved to avoid the flying rods, as one flew straight at their windshield. There was a brief moment of excitement and a racing heart, and then everything went black for Odelia.
The only things Odelia was aware of were the sharp sounds of sirens growing ever closer and of people screaming, hysterical over what they saw, the acrid smells of smoke and burning rubber, and the sight of legs covered in a beautiful ruby red, all blurry. She couldn’t seem to move her head, and look away from those ruby red legs. She closed her eyes, ready for whatever might happen next. With her eyes closed she got the sensation that she was falling away from everything, falling horizontally. She knew she wasn’t flying though, because there was a certain lack of any control. She was hurtling along, as if she were falling vertically, and the earth had just been tipped on its side.
When Odelia opened her eyes everything was clear. She could move her head, and see the people running towards her, crying and yelling. She looked down and saw the ruby red legs again, and she understood that they were her own. She looked at her chest and saw the rod that stuck there, surrounded by a growing, blooming, blood red rose. She smiled at the people running towards her, and she closed her eyes again. She knew she was dying, but she didn’t care. It was a relief in a way. She was finally released from living. She hadn’t really enjoyed it all that much anyways, it was just too much of a bother. She had tried to spend most of her time asleep to begin with. The way Odelia saw it, death was just another sleep, one you just didn’t wake up from until you were reborn. And who knew how long that might take.
“Ahh...It’s time to rest. Bye Ria...‘till next time, yeah?” Odelia couldn’t be sure she’d been heard, but she thought it didn’t really matter anyways, and she closed her eyes and went to sleep for who knows how long.
“Shit, I hate getting stuck behind big trucks,” said Ria. Odelia glanced over at her scowling sister, before going back to looking out the window. Nothing particularly interesting. Maybe an accident would happen, spice up her life a bit. “What’s with those rods, anyways?”
Looking at the truck in front of them, Odelia couldn’t help but feel like something was going to happen. Big trucks always made her feel like that, no matter what they were carrying. They always looked about ready to tip over. As Odelia stared at the truck, she calmly noted to herself that a few of those rods looked about ready to slide off. Why was everything so precarious with big trucks?
“Ria, don’t you think you’re driving a little close to the truck?”
“Whatever Odelia. Maybe he’ll notice and speed up a bit.” There was just no helping it with Ria, Odelia supposed. She went back to watching the truck, in time to see two rods slide off the back, followed by several more. Ria swerved to avoid the flying rods, as one flew straight at their windshield. There was a brief moment of excitement and a racing heart, and then everything went black for Odelia.
The only things Odelia was aware of were the sharp sounds of sirens growing ever closer and of people screaming, hysterical over what they saw, the acrid smells of smoke and burning rubber, and the sight of legs covered in a beautiful ruby red, all blurry. She couldn’t seem to move her head, and look away from those ruby red legs. She closed her eyes, ready for whatever might happen next. With her eyes closed she got the sensation that she was falling away from everything, falling horizontally. She knew she wasn’t flying though, because there was a certain lack of any control. She was hurtling along, as if she were falling vertically, and the earth had just been tipped on its side.
When Odelia opened her eyes everything was clear. She could move her head, and see the people running towards her, crying and yelling. She looked down and saw the ruby red legs again, and she understood that they were her own. She looked at her chest and saw the rod that stuck there, surrounded by a growing, blooming, blood red rose. She smiled at the people running towards her, and she closed her eyes again. She knew she was dying, but she didn’t care. It was a relief in a way. She was finally released from living. She hadn’t really enjoyed it all that much anyways, it was just too much of a bother. She had tried to spend most of her time asleep to begin with. The way Odelia saw it, death was just another sleep, one you just didn’t wake up from until you were reborn. And who knew how long that might take.
“Ahh...It’s time to rest. Bye Ria...‘till next time, yeah?” Odelia couldn’t be sure she’d been heard, but she thought it didn’t really matter anyways, and she closed her eyes and went to sleep for who knows how long.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Defective, Return to Sender by Zee Krstic
I wasn’t supposed to be home
but yet I was destined to be
it was set in stone
written in the stars
unable to be changed
I felt sick
or at least that’s what I told the school
But I was beyond sick
A white wall, spray painted
with illegible hopes and dreams
An overexposed photo
only containing the outlines of the subject.
I could still remember the feeling
of disgust, nausea, abhorrence
My mother taught
me not to talk to strangers
To look before crossing
The bunny ears on my shoes
The neat folds of my bed
But what did she teach me about you?
How was I to know
the glint of your eyes
black as night
How was I to know
the signs of danger
the hoax of friendship
of love.
I lost it to you
Eventually, more than just it
I was disappointed
Until my PMS didn’t kick in
It was the best feeling
knowing I was worth something larger than
just myself.
A vessel
carrying the most precious cargo
amongst a horrid tempest
I was ecstatic
The feeling was truly melodramatic
Until the doctor called.
They took some blood
when I went in for the ultrasound
violent red, I remember
He said I was sick
Sick? How could this
feeling be tainted
The report came in, and it was set
I was positive
one test
determined I was filthy
And Inside Death Sailed,
freely.
My skin itched,
it was on fire
contaminated, ruined
And when the pills ran out
When I drank my parent’s wine in the cold basement
My mind, my soul, my heart
was ready to depart.
Even though I was gone,
far away in a land where this didn’t happen
my hands did things
to end the pain, struggle;
an imperfect ending.
I thought of my mother
and of what she would do
what she would say
if she had the chance
I thought of my father
the man i never knew
would he cry?
would he ask why?
Like the most precious jewels,
it felt comfortable around my neck
and I felt my feet
take their final step
plunging into the deepest of unknowns
The memories flashed before my eyes
fading, slowly
like the feeling in my body
draining into worlds above
Capsized, water fills the lungs
Burning at first
It is cool, comforting
Fading into sublime darkness.
but yet I was destined to be
it was set in stone
written in the stars
unable to be changed
I felt sick
or at least that’s what I told the school
But I was beyond sick
A white wall, spray painted
with illegible hopes and dreams
An overexposed photo
only containing the outlines of the subject.
I could still remember the feeling
of disgust, nausea, abhorrence
My mother taught
me not to talk to strangers
To look before crossing
The bunny ears on my shoes
The neat folds of my bed
But what did she teach me about you?
How was I to know
the glint of your eyes
black as night
How was I to know
the signs of danger
the hoax of friendship
of love.
I lost it to you
Eventually, more than just it
I was disappointed
Until my PMS didn’t kick in
It was the best feeling
knowing I was worth something larger than
just myself.
A vessel
carrying the most precious cargo
amongst a horrid tempest
I was ecstatic
The feeling was truly melodramatic
Until the doctor called.
They took some blood
when I went in for the ultrasound
violent red, I remember
He said I was sick
Sick? How could this
feeling be tainted
The report came in, and it was set
I was positive
one test
determined I was filthy
And Inside Death Sailed,
freely.
My skin itched,
it was on fire
contaminated, ruined
And when the pills ran out
When I drank my parent’s wine in the cold basement
My mind, my soul, my heart
was ready to depart.
Even though I was gone,
far away in a land where this didn’t happen
my hands did things
to end the pain, struggle;
an imperfect ending.
I thought of my mother
and of what she would do
what she would say
if she had the chance
I thought of my father
the man i never knew
would he cry?
would he ask why?
Like the most precious jewels,
it felt comfortable around my neck
and I felt my feet
take their final step
plunging into the deepest of unknowns
The memories flashed before my eyes
fading, slowly
like the feeling in my body
draining into worlds above
Capsized, water fills the lungs
Burning at first
It is cool, comforting
Fading into sublime darkness.
The Ring by Eugene Shin
Skinny boy with a pair of old broken shoes gets in the ring.
There is a huge amount of pressure in the stadium.
The champion is taller than the boy.
He has a longer reach than the boy has.
The boy’s coach motivates and pumps him up.
But, he can’t focus on what the coach’s saying.
The champion doesn’t even look at the boy.
No one in the stadium yells his name.
The fight begins, but, no one expects the boy to win.
The champion doesn’t move but only throws the jab.
The boy gets punched for the whole first round.
He is exhausted but doesn’t give up yet.
The opponent looks fine and just jokes around.
Second round begins, and the champion gets more aggressive.
The champion tries to make a fancy move
and waits to make a brutal K.O.
The boy gets too many punches,
but it seems he’s waiting for something.
His stamina has almost reached its limit.
His front tooth wobbles.
He is just about to throw up because of blood stinginess on his mouse.
But the fire on his eye is more flaming than before.
The audiences are frantic with joy.
The audience in the stand couldn’t hold his excitement and throws the bottle to the ring.
The boy got punched too many times
and he finally dropped his guard down.
The champion makes the biggest right hook.
But the boy was not done yet.
He dodges to the left.
And gives a short but thick hook.
He Knocks the champion out
and then a sudden awkward silence.
The blood from boy’s eye rim soaks his old grimy shoes.
Counting to ten,
but still the silence.
The referee brings the boy’s fist to the air.
The spectators finally shout his name into the air.
There is a huge amount of pressure in the stadium.
The champion is taller than the boy.
He has a longer reach than the boy has.
The boy’s coach motivates and pumps him up.
But, he can’t focus on what the coach’s saying.
The champion doesn’t even look at the boy.
No one in the stadium yells his name.
The fight begins, but, no one expects the boy to win.
The champion doesn’t move but only throws the jab.
The boy gets punched for the whole first round.
He is exhausted but doesn’t give up yet.
The opponent looks fine and just jokes around.
Second round begins, and the champion gets more aggressive.
The champion tries to make a fancy move
and waits to make a brutal K.O.
The boy gets too many punches,
but it seems he’s waiting for something.
His stamina has almost reached its limit.
His front tooth wobbles.
He is just about to throw up because of blood stinginess on his mouse.
But the fire on his eye is more flaming than before.
The audiences are frantic with joy.
The audience in the stand couldn’t hold his excitement and throws the bottle to the ring.
The boy got punched too many times
and he finally dropped his guard down.
The champion makes the biggest right hook.
But the boy was not done yet.
He dodges to the left.
And gives a short but thick hook.
He Knocks the champion out
and then a sudden awkward silence.
The blood from boy’s eye rim soaks his old grimy shoes.
Counting to ten,
but still the silence.
The referee brings the boy’s fist to the air.
The spectators finally shout his name into the air.
I Shake by Damian Dryjas
I sit at the top of the course,
Doing all my stretches,
Adjusting my goggles,
My routine before a comp run
To calm me down
They call my bib number,
“Skier 199, you’re on deck to drop”
As soon as he says that,
The shaking initiates,
I don’t know what this shaking is,
is it excitement? Is it nerves?
Stay tuned and you will find out
I get my music going,
This isolates me from everything
This makes me focus
But still, I shake
I shake because I’m excited
I shake because I’m anxious to go
I shake because I’m nervous
But, I am excited
I go through my run multiple times in my head
“Bib 199, you’re next to drop”
The shaking stops,
My body knows its time to do what I came here to do
My coach gives me the pat on my back and the knuckle shake
“Have fun with it”
“Bib 199, on course”
My team mates cheer as I drop into the course
Doing all my stretches,
Adjusting my goggles,
My routine before a comp run
To calm me down
They call my bib number,
“Skier 199, you’re on deck to drop”
As soon as he says that,
The shaking initiates,
I don’t know what this shaking is,
is it excitement? Is it nerves?
Stay tuned and you will find out
I get my music going,
This isolates me from everything
This makes me focus
But still, I shake
I shake because I’m excited
I shake because I’m anxious to go
I shake because I’m nervous
But, I am excited
I go through my run multiple times in my head
“Bib 199, you’re next to drop”
The shaking stops,
My body knows its time to do what I came here to do
My coach gives me the pat on my back and the knuckle shake
“Have fun with it”
“Bib 199, on course”
My team mates cheer as I drop into the course
Stand Up For The Country by Dawson Tang
Chung Hsuan Tang is what people call me back home
Dawson Tang is the name at Gould
Call me D-Tang if you could.
I was born with a mind of democracy
people are given the freedom of rights and the joy of life.
My neighbor Porcelain loves to wear red
He is bigger than me, taller than me
He lives across the road from where I am.
In an old house, an old community that is undeveloped.
Tons of people living there, like the nest of ants.
Their minds are closed
they have not seen the world.
All they want is to expand more.
They get richer as time went on,
Porcelain remains his wide and height
Yet, people in the community is still cover with old minds.
The idea of communists is spread everywhere in the community.
No freedom of rights
Porcelain is the future lights.
He comes to me with his red cloth
“Would you like to move in with us”
I hesitated, yet I have a answer already.
No is what showed up in my mind.
He pushed me more
It felt like standing on a cliff
The only way is to fight back
Yes, I fight back
Not just for myself, but for my home
This is me, this is Dawson
I stand up strong and remain strong.
No one can take my home away
Not even the big neighbor across the road.
Dawson Tang is the name at Gould
Call me D-Tang if you could.
I was born with a mind of democracy
people are given the freedom of rights and the joy of life.
My neighbor Porcelain loves to wear red
He is bigger than me, taller than me
He lives across the road from where I am.
In an old house, an old community that is undeveloped.
Tons of people living there, like the nest of ants.
Their minds are closed
they have not seen the world.
All they want is to expand more.
They get richer as time went on,
Porcelain remains his wide and height
Yet, people in the community is still cover with old minds.
The idea of communists is spread everywhere in the community.
No freedom of rights
Porcelain is the future lights.
He comes to me with his red cloth
“Would you like to move in with us”
I hesitated, yet I have a answer already.
No is what showed up in my mind.
He pushed me more
It felt like standing on a cliff
The only way is to fight back
Yes, I fight back
Not just for myself, but for my home
This is me, this is Dawson
I stand up strong and remain strong.
No one can take my home away
Not even the big neighbor across the road.
As I Lie Here by Kristian Nammack
As I lie here in the field with my tortoise framed Ray-Bans blocking the reality of life.
The easy fall wind dancing through my hair tells me
Is nothing so perfect as this moment.
Pure awe as I stare into the underwater abyss
This is the unknown
this is your life and it’s ending every second of every day which swiftly passes.
A black splurge of mystery.
This sweet beauty will not last.
Nothing ever does.
As I lie here in the frigid winter snow the harsh air tells me
Are you just cracked, or shattered bits of glass?
Trying to keep my face together like a puzzle missing pieces.
Falling, piece by piece, sagging day by day.
I am the shattering the decrepit and decayed.
Useless rusty fragments of a former self.
I try desperately to cling on to whatever piece of spontaneous persona I have left.
As I lie here,
dreaming of the day I charge into that blazing sunset
and take on this world completely alone.
No longer locked in a wooden chest, no longer slipping on complex stairs to nowhere.
I know where I am and I’ve rightfully earned my place.
Plant my left foot down, then rear the right around.
One after another.
Step by step.
This long journey begins with one.
Bittersweet tears shower down my rosy cheeks.
Well you did it, you got everything you wanted, now what?
As I lie here in my bed I tell myself
It’s alway darkest before the dawn.
That melancholy feeling rips deep through my face this time.
Guilt holes shred to make caverns of open dialogue with my conscious.
Self-Reproach, self-condemnation, ashamed.
A contrite look and anxiety stricken yelp whenever there near.
The irredeemable deal you make with a mistake so bad.
A lottery lost, the gamble I made finally stopped paying off.
As I lie here in the sand looking through my tortoise framed Ray-Bans
at the Miami sky I am truly happy.
Sunny air on skin, ocean breeze blows away all sorrow.
Dry tears from a numb heart.
We all warm up eventually.
Everything burns.
There is woe and dejection.
Pleasure and Euphoria
The crash and burn and the ultimate up-liftment.
This life the next life and all those billions of memories in between.
As I lie here awaiting impact.
The only thoughts I have are for the exceptional memories I had on this planet.
With them, with myself, and most importantly with her.
I suppose one can only hope someone will miss me when I haven’t a trace left.
I can see for miles and miles and miles now.
Down the road to nowhere.
The road now whispers,
Where shall we go next?
A hand with five fingers made up of millions of connections.
This is it, and it’s ending slowly every day so make the most out of it.
For the time being I can see just a few inches in front of me.
However, I will always be surrounded by the thick fog.
The easy fall wind dancing through my hair tells me
Is nothing so perfect as this moment.
Pure awe as I stare into the underwater abyss
This is the unknown
this is your life and it’s ending every second of every day which swiftly passes.
A black splurge of mystery.
This sweet beauty will not last.
Nothing ever does.
As I lie here in the frigid winter snow the harsh air tells me
Are you just cracked, or shattered bits of glass?
Trying to keep my face together like a puzzle missing pieces.
Falling, piece by piece, sagging day by day.
I am the shattering the decrepit and decayed.
Useless rusty fragments of a former self.
I try desperately to cling on to whatever piece of spontaneous persona I have left.
As I lie here,
dreaming of the day I charge into that blazing sunset
and take on this world completely alone.
No longer locked in a wooden chest, no longer slipping on complex stairs to nowhere.
I know where I am and I’ve rightfully earned my place.
Plant my left foot down, then rear the right around.
One after another.
Step by step.
This long journey begins with one.
Bittersweet tears shower down my rosy cheeks.
Well you did it, you got everything you wanted, now what?
As I lie here in my bed I tell myself
It’s alway darkest before the dawn.
That melancholy feeling rips deep through my face this time.
Guilt holes shred to make caverns of open dialogue with my conscious.
Self-Reproach, self-condemnation, ashamed.
A contrite look and anxiety stricken yelp whenever there near.
The irredeemable deal you make with a mistake so bad.
A lottery lost, the gamble I made finally stopped paying off.
As I lie here in the sand looking through my tortoise framed Ray-Bans
at the Miami sky I am truly happy.
Sunny air on skin, ocean breeze blows away all sorrow.
Dry tears from a numb heart.
We all warm up eventually.
Everything burns.
There is woe and dejection.
Pleasure and Euphoria
The crash and burn and the ultimate up-liftment.
This life the next life and all those billions of memories in between.
As I lie here awaiting impact.
The only thoughts I have are for the exceptional memories I had on this planet.
With them, with myself, and most importantly with her.
I suppose one can only hope someone will miss me when I haven’t a trace left.
I can see for miles and miles and miles now.
Down the road to nowhere.
The road now whispers,
Where shall we go next?
A hand with five fingers made up of millions of connections.
This is it, and it’s ending slowly every day so make the most out of it.
For the time being I can see just a few inches in front of me.
However, I will always be surrounded by the thick fog.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)